Yes. I’m gay.

Dear world,

I’m coming out to-day. Let me get my words out before you crush me with your impending blows. 

A few years ago, I watched an interview with Christian musical artist Tonéx, following his coming-out announcement. I was mortified. I had listened to his 2004 hit song, “Make Me Over” on repeat. I felt that he had given up on the battle for healing from homosexuality. And hopelessness permeated my being. I’m not sure I was able to stomach the entire interview.

Dear world,

Do you know what it was like to be me? Do you know that I drove for miles at night, just to clear my head?

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my sexuality. I have always known that I was gay, but there had not yet been the creation of possibility. I mean that there was no way for me (in my mind) to live a healthy and fulfilling life as a gay man. My community taught me that LGBTQIA people were reprobates, and perverted. My heart raced every time my pastor launched into another vitriolic tirade against ‘sissies’ and ‘faggots’. I knew in my heart-of-hearts that he was also talking about me.

Dear world,

Were you there the moment I let myself actually dream of falling in love?

I could launch into the theological implications. I could share with you my readings of the Genesis saga. I could talk about how the scriptures are culturally-conditioned. I could talk about redemptive threads that are woven throughout scripture. I opt out. But I will say this: it is indeed possible, I believe, to be both queer and Christian. While you do not have to affirm LGBTQIA believers, you likewise cannot deny our claim to faith and salvation. Time will reveal the truth.

Many of you will try to call or message me in an attempt to ‘win me back’. Some will issue offensives against me. A number of readers will draw their families away from me, hoping to shield them from ‘infection’. As Christ said, whatever you must do, do it quickly. But do not ask me to engage. This is my cross, and I will carry it. I only hope to have help along the way.

My final rainbow: the Lord bless you richly, and make His face to shine upon you. As it was in the Beginning, now and ever shall be, Word without end, amen. Until the stars align. May Kings rise in your presence. The oil of joy and gladness. Now unto He who able to keep you from falling. Lo, he is with you, even until the end of the age.

Amen.

3 Comments

  1. Hello my brother. I love you. I am not here to condone or condemn anyone. But to love unconditional. Like you said it’s your cross to carry. You said you need help. I am here to help. Anyone who knows you, can not deny how much you love and believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. And for me that’s all that matters. Remain blessed. Much love. Muah ya.

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  2. Kashif, you are truly a child of God. And God is great. We are made in His image, ALL OF US. I am a devout believer and I believe that we will be judged by our heart. I believe that wonderful loving good people come in all forms, even homosexuals and bisexuals. Do not lose your faith because of a man’s interpretation of the Bible. Reach into your heart and the quiet corners of your mind and hear God speak to you when he tells you YOU ARE GREAT. Godspeed and many blessings to you. Thank you for sharing this with us. You have touched my heart. I will pray for you.

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